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The Flight to Umrah
Was Ibikunle Amosun, governor of Ogun state, pursuing God or was God pursuing him when he took his chartered flight to Saudi Arabia for the lesser hajj as was reported by newspapers? Amosun has now joined the executive class of governors who charter aircraft on intercontinental trips; let us clap for the governor of Ogun state who has chosen to behave like the governors of oil rich states who have money to burn.
For Amosun to have chosen to spend N26million of the people's money to make a trip to Saudi Arabia in a state like Ogun state, there must have been compelling reasons. I suspect that the governor of Ogun state must have received intelligence that God was about to depart from Saudi Arabia to his abode in heaven; after attending to those who came early to Umrah.
Given all the trouble that has been brewing in Ogun state, it was important for the governor to catch God before his departure so he could table the problems of the state before Him and receive divine counselling on what to do. With so much stagnation after one year, the governor must have been desperate to avail himself of some divine intervention so he would not be thrown out of office, even before his four year term was up.
If he waited for a regular commercial flight as many of his colleagues did, he was in danger of missing God. Since he was not prepared to apply for a visa to heaven, he had to catch God in Mecca or Medina by whatever means. The consequence of his missing God was too great. There are too many issues on which he needs help. There is the matter of the renaming of the Ijebu-Ode stadium. Oh how petulant of him. Now he has no idea where the money to run the stadium will come from. But sure God must have an answer.
He knows all things. Then the matter of the Truth Commission he set up. How embarrassing that the panel was not able to nail the murders on his predecessor. The man must be using some kind of juju; or else the commission should have been able to locate the pigs that ate the six persons he was told were murdered at Adatan.
But the bones; how come they did not find the bones? This was one question he must ask God when he gets to Umrah. God sure will know where the bones were kept. When he comes back from his divine counselling session, he will have to set up a review panel to review the work of the commission. With the divine information he will bring back from Umrah..ha..ha, that mad man and his juju are doomed.
There is also the matter of the death of Apagun Olumide. Somehow they beclouded the judgement of the morbid anatomist. It has been so impossible to release the result of the autopsy after so many months. With all the furore he created before the burial and the challenge and embarrassment to the family; seizing the corpse and all that.
How does he now tell the people that the autopsy did not show that the man was killed by anybody? Would that not paint him the villain that pushed the man to suicide? No, God forbid. God must have a plan for a way out of this hara-kiri he has just committed.
Eh-hen, this Aladura people on this land matter. The land panel did a good job disregarding the documents they presented. How could we have painted that yeye man black if they took cognisance of their documents? But the people are angry oh; so it is better to report them to God at Umrah before they begin to scatter gubernatorial peace with their prayers. Small time they will begin to pray return to sender prayers and all of these schemes and plots will start to backfire. Hey oya, oju l'a lakan fin nso ri [the crab protects his head with his eyes], let me protect my head with my legs; Umrah here I come.
So even if the chartered flight cost N100million, to get to Umrah is a task that must be done. Self first is no selfishness. Let us preserve this governorship seat first before we think of serving the people.
If this money finishes, another will come. And of course there is one more reason for the chartered flight to catch God.....now ...now.....yes, it is that matter of unequal distribution of gift. It is important that the matter be sorted out with God at Umrah.
The last time the South-West governors met with President Jonathan, those nosey reporters cornered the governor and Governor Fayemi of Ekiti. They asked about the renaming of the University of Lagos. Come and see Fayemi talking smoothly with finesse, suggesting potential conflicts in the appreciation of the moves of Jonathan by reason of the age of the student population.
Amosun was on television cameras, looking on in deep appreciation of the intellect with which God had endowed Fayemi. His own round of interview was lack lustre; the difference was so clear.
Now that matter has to be referred to God. How could He have given Fayemi so much and Amosun so little? Yes it must be raised at Umrah. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. So let us get up and go to Umrah by chartered flight so we do not miss God even if it costs the whole of the resources of Ogun state.
....arrival at Umrah
...Stop who goes there?
...Senator Ibikunle Amosun, governor of Ogun state, Nigeria
...Sorry I do not know any human being with those names. Are those your God given names?
...No..no..no. My name is Ibikunle Amosun.
...Yes, what can I do for you?
...I have come to meet with The Most High. I have some very important matters to discuss with Him
...But we have never seen you around these parts before? Is this your first time of coming here?
...Ehm..Ehm yes, you see I was elected the governor of my state last year and ehm you
see it has become somewhat easier for me to come here now.
...Sorry The Most High does not attend to new comers. There are certain processes you must pass through to qualify for access. By the way, do you pray five times a day? Because I cannot see your name in the Book of the Faithfuls. Or have you just been converted to the faith?
...Ehm..I pray but you see this governorship job does not give me time to do so five times a day. You know the way it is. I have been of the faith all of my life, but I know that I need to improve in some areas. That is one of the reasons I have come to see The Most High.
...I am sorry you cannot see The Most High. You can come back next year when you have fulfilled the rites that I will read to you here.
...But I came on a chartered flight. You can't do this to me. I have spent so much money. Tell The Most High that a governor from Nigeria wants to see Him. I am sure He will oblige. You know I am a very important person.
...Our ways are not your own ways. The only important persons to us are those whose names are in the Book of the Faithfuls. Go back to your country and amend your ways so your name will be put in the Book.
...What must I do for my name to be in the Book and be allowed to see The Most High?
...Remove every bitterness from your heart, stop the persecution of innocent people, stop personal vendetta, care more about the people of your state, lighten the yoke of tax on your people, let service to the people truly be your watchword in governance, pray five times a day and uphold all the tenets of Islam.
And by the way, when you are coming next time, do not come on a chartered aircraft. The Most High will not see you if you do. It is wastage of the resources meant for the poor in your state.
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From my Mail Box
My name is Dayo. I’m a typical Nigerian guy and I cherish my Fridays a lot.
I get to hang out with the slickest guys every Friday night and secondly, it’s another escape from my nagging and boring wife.
I get confused sometimes on whether she’s my mother or my wife. Don’t get it twisted; I love her pieces. It just gets complicated; like I wish we never got married…
Marriage has turned her into something that doesn’t amuse me. I wish she was still the adventurous, charming, high spirited lady I dated for five years.
A lot of people say it’s unethical for married guys to be found in a club, but I wish everyone won’t be too quick to judge and understand that people look for fun to run away from their problems. They just want to breathe, like me.
I forgot to say that I work in Guaranty Trust Bank along Lekki. I love my job and my job loves me. Maybe it’s because I’m the senior banking officer.
This particular morning, a lady breezed into my office. My heart raced faster because I had not sighted anything this beautiful in a long while. In fact, she was a bit chubby but her smile, cuteness and…
I was tripped.
“Hi. Good morning! Your ATM has swallowed my card!” She laughed, unlike a typical customer that would ram you.
“Good morning. You know what? I’d personally make sure they get it out for you. But not today. Can you wait till Monday?” I smiled
“GTB shaaa! OK. Can I just drop my no so you can call me up or just text when it’s ready so I don’t come twice? Please? My name is Nancy” She blinked her eyes in a funny way.
“Sure”. I smiled
We exchanged numbers.
What a lucky Friday!
Soon it was 10:00pm and I headed to the club. As usual my friends were chilling for me. My wife had called a couple of times, I just ignored it.
She knows I’m never home Friday nights anyway. So why bother?
“Look at you!” I heard someone... Look at you!” I heard someone say. I raised my head and it was the ATM lady-Nancy
“Wow, look at you too!” I was surprised to see her but I was happy I didn’t have to wait till Monday to see her again.
“Happy Friday!” She screamed because of the noise, “Wanna dance?”
I didn’t even have the chance to answer, she already pulled me to dance floor. I really suck at dancing but she helped me; she was a great dancer! I had fun! At some point we decided to go to a private area and we talked, ranging from work, business to personal life. I tried to hide my ring as much as possible, I certainly didn’t want this to end now.
“You are a really wonderful lady. You are so interesting… any guy would want to be with you all day” I said.
“I wasn’t always like this but I have learned the hard way that life is just too short to be sad” she sang
Then her phone rang…
“Hey baby! Yeah I’m at the private lounge, I’d like you to meet someone…alright boo” she talked excitedly as usual.
I was in shock until this tall handsome man walks up to her and kisses her.
“You were late. Meet Dayo; I met him this morning, he’s helping with your ATM I told you got swallowed and Dayo this is my B to the O-O,” she laughed “Meet my husband Kolade, we only come here to dance every fortnight Friday; away from work stress and kids.”
“Wow, a pleasure” I managed to shake him
Then she stood now excitedly holding her husband’s arms.
“Why don’t we invite Dayo for Mimi’s 16th birthday tomorrow?” Her husband said
They have kids too? How long have they been married and they look like a couple just dating!
“Silly me, please come for my second daughter’s 16th tomorrow. It would be an honour” She brought out an I.V from her purse.
I began to feel so ashamed of myself… this was another guy like me, getting it right with one woman.
I collected the I.V and promised to be there.
“See you tomorrow! Have you had something to eat Kolade?” she talked and dragged her husband along. They left and I kept staring at the thin air like I had seen a ghost. They come just to dance together every fortnight Fridays? Why didn’t I think of that! Temi loves to dance… she also likes long walks, she loves to talk… she loves jazz music, there’s this vivid picture I have of me putting her hand on my chest when we danced at a jazz club on our first year anniversary… I found myself typing all the things I knew Temi loved to do on my Ipad and I realized I had denied her of all… I had made her the old woman she acts.
What the hell was I doing here! I didn’t even tell my friends goodbye, I walked out of the club into my Jaguar. Temi’s call came through and I picked at first ring.
“Temi?” My heart raced
“I know you are not coming home…”
“I am, stay up so we can gist. Been a while” I decided to do everything on that list and to even add many more for the rest of my lifetime with her .
“Are you alright?” She was shocked I suppose
“And I’d like us to go for a birthday party tomorrow. I want you to meet this amazing couple”
“You sound different Dayo”
“Maybe I’m different”
“Don’t say it! don’t say it! when you come we will gist very well” she laughed
She laughed!!! In just that laughter that I hadn’t heard in a while, she sounded like the lady I married six years ago…
